Excerpts from James Altucher’s blog

I just came across this blog. And at first, like always, i was cynical about another dude who thought he knew everything. I actually rarely read anymore. But for some reason i right clicked and hit ‘open in new tab’, and some 15 mins later i went to the new tab. Going by the right scroll flank, i knew this was a long read. But then a quick scan made me realize it had more to do with comments than the actual blog post. And in the post, i came across two words in bold.

KIDS SUCK

I know i had to read this post. And i did. While the most part of the post may or may not be applicable to you, which you can read at http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2012/05/10-life-changing-decisions-we-make-without-thinking/ i’m going to make an effort to copy-paste those 2 sections that really made me crack and feel vindicated about my feelings/views about the same subjects. Here you go:

Marriage.I’ve never seen something like how it is in the movies: two people meet in a cab and then head to Las Vegas and get married. Maybe it happens in “real” life but I’ve never seen it. But I’ve seen two people, age 23, meet for a first date and then ten days later get married. Or even worse, two people live together for 5 years and then finally decide to get married.

What the hell are you thinking? Marriage is like the worst thing ever (married people, hold off, I’m going to come full circle on this)

  •                 You’re going to spend the next 70 years with that person EVERY SINGLE DAY
  •                 You’re going to see that person in every worst possible way. On the first date, imagine them in the hospital with tubes sticking into every hole in their body and their head shaved. Now kiss them.
  •                 You’re done. Unless you are cheating (please don’t do that. It’s too stressful for everyone involved, its unhygienic and could spread disease, and it will destroy all the people around you) you are not having sex with ANYONE ELSE for the rest of your life.
  •                 The passion in your marriage will eventually wear off. Not necessarily, but it’s a normal part of life. As I’ve written before, there’s the saying: put a penny in a jar everytime you have sex before the marriage, take a penny out every time you have sex after. You’ll never empty the jar. I hope that doesn’t happen to me but we’ll see.
  •                 It costs money! On average, that is. Let’s say 50% of marriages end in divorce (I don’t care if the number is accurate. Some large number ends in divorce) then imagine the expenses of supporting two households. Or three. Or I know people with five households they are supporting. It really hurts.
  •                 You might fall in love again. With someone else. Anything can happen. We are talking 70 years! Hope that it doesn’t happen to you but some people are addicted to falling in love. Maybe your new spouse is. I hope not!
  •                 People change. What you liked about your wife when she was 23 might be 100% different at 33 and 100% different at 43.  I hope you change together but that’s a pretty big gamble. If you were a gambling man would you gamble that two people are going to change together over a period of 70 years? I would almost never make that bet without incredible odds.

Children.First off, before I rant, I LOVE my children. Someone sent me an angry email the other day:

“Your the biggest prick in the world for talking about how your 10 yr old daughter is spewing BS and vomit from her mouth when she lies to you. Your a sad excuse for a father you piece of shit. You cruel, heartless bastard. I hope you lose your wealth and your possessions and wake up to what this life is all about you shit head scumbag.”

My emailer’s name is Tom Wait and he lives in Newark, California. I am grateful when I get an email like that. It lets me test myself. I don’t respond. And I feel bad that his anger has forced him to unleash on me like that. But I also have to consider: do I talk about my kids too much. I don’t think so.

So I will talk about them more:

Kids suck. And people just keep spewing their sperm around, making more kids, like it’s the easiest decision in the world. Then suddenly you have a new US citizen living in your house who is one foot tall, can’t even walk without your help, screams all the time, doesn’t speak English, craps on the floor, and has to fed by you. OUT OF YOUR BREASTS if you are a woman.

Are you crazy?

Then we get older it gets a little better…if you like being a chauffeur all day long and hanging out in kid’s stores and watching cartoon movies about baby bears lost in the jungle. I mean we are talking some serious bad decision making here when you have a kid.

Now, its not all that bad. (my daughters making each other laugh make up for it) but let’s not forget:

Kid’s cost money. $30k per pregnancy, then thousands per year on food and clothes. Then thousands every year on school supplies, books, gas to drive them places. Then thousands every year after they hit 18. Then maybe 10s of thousnads a year after they hit 35. And will they ever appreciate it? We’ll see. I don’t know yet.

And even worse: having a kid really changes your relationship with your spouse. Now the kid is her (or his) love of her life. You have to really see and pay attention to how the kid affects your relationship with your spouse or that could suddenly get a whole lot more expensive (see above). Believe me. But people don’t think of this. Don’t think of the consquences. It’s not true that “no time is a good time”. That’s just an excuse to make a bad decision. The sperm hits the ovum and KA-BOOM!

——————————————————–

You should read the rest too. I’m a fan of the guy already. If you’re on twitter, he’s at @jaltucher so go ahead and tell him you cancelled your wedding because of him. And thank him.

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About johnny b

dj, writer, traveler, moonwalker, headbanger, mind expander, yoga instructor. View all posts by johnny b

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