Post Dated #ECP

This morning around 5, my lady and I had a booboo. The kind where you have to find an emergency contraceptive pill within three days. 72 hours, they all say. I don’t know about your country, but I live in India where this is legally available across the pharmacy counter, and yet the population is 1.5 billion.

This morning was her peak potential for pregnancy given menstrual cycles and all that. So finding that pill within the first few hours of waking up was utmost priority. I wasn’t going to debate it, cos winning the debate might have been easy, but her calling me 9 months later would have been a tough one to digest.

This morning was also a Sunday, when everything in Goa is shut, apart from wine stores. The only open chemist, is a staunch catholic. And the next guy too. They’d kill you but they wouldn’t sell you contraceptives.

So a long ride ensued from Anjuna to the surrounding towns and villages. The hunt for the pill. In my hurry, and in the panic of the situation, and my still half-sleepy brain, I forgot to carry my license and documents. I did expect the rest of the day to be thrilling, but even i wasn’t prepared really…

There were two bunches of cops that halted us. I was hoping they would all just laze in bed on a Sunday. But no, ‘many tourists, no!’. And this was after i put on the helmet and confidently stated ‘now no cops will stop us’. But six cops saw right through my face. Cops, they just know when the fucker doesn’t have his license on him, just by looking at his eyes.

I’m proud to say I got off with paying just 200 rupees, from their initial 3000 rupee quote. ‘Here, do it in the corner so the Russians don’t see it’, the cop said. The Russians in line behind me, were paying 6-10 times the amount. But I was still pissed off with myself for forgetting my documents. Mindlessness. I’m grateful to my dad for teaching me life’s biggest lessons can be in bargaining your arse off. ‘Look, I have 500 rupees, but i need 300 to buy some verrrrry important medicines’, i told the cop. He asked me what medicines, i said gastro. He gave back 300 to me.

Both chemists we visited looked at us like we were Satan’s little babies. ‘We don’t keep anything like that’, they proclaimed. I could almost hear the curses in their heads. ‘WE DON’T KEEP ANYTHING LIKE THAT YOU BABY KILLING BASTARD BURN IN HELL YOU *#&!)*&$)(!#^&#!^

Those were the only chemists open this part of the world, so we hit the highway.

Somewhere along the course of our treasure hunt, the front number plate falls off the bike. Great, a dead giveaway for the cops now. But I didn’t bother to fix it ‘cos hey, i got my helmet on!’

Thirty kilometers, two hours, a dozen U-turns and even more hitches later, we finally found an open, non-catcholic pharmacy that was open. On the day of the lord, i was seeing strange signs. We may have even planned, at a destitue moment, what we might call him/her. She even resorted to meditation by the side of the road to stay calm. I was busy haggling with cops. And more cops.

When it rains, it pours a shitstorm.

Finally, on our way back home with the necessitaaahs, we were stopped by four RTO cops. The big daddies. Where i just got off the bike, handed them the keys, and said ‘I have no money, no license, no papers. The bike is rented so you taking it won’t help.’ One cop said ‘this fucker’s drunk’, and they let us move on.

Tonight i’m going to dance my ass off.


About johnny b

dj, writer, yoga instructor, traveler, moonwalker, headbanger, mind expander. View all posts by johnny b

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